In addition to spending taxpayer money to require our nation’s troops to participate in a July 4^th military parade, President Trump felt it necessary to teach all of us a new set of history lessons. Here’s what he had to say when the teleprompter failed that day:

“In June of 1775, the Continental Congress created a unified Army out of the Revolutionary Forces encamped around Boston and New York, and named after the great George Washington, commander in chief. The Continental Army suffered a bitter winter of Valley Forge, found glory across the waters of the Delaware and seized victory from Cornwallis of Yorktown. Our Army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do, and at Fort McHenry, under the rocket’s red glare it had nothing but victory. And when dawn came, their star-spangled banner waved defiant.”

The Spirited Reasoner learned at least four new facts from the President’s speech:

1. The Continental Army was named for George Washington. Note that we can’t be entirely certain whether to call it the “Army of George,” “The Washington Continentals,” or simply the “George Washington Army.” But the fact remains that we should stop calling it the Continental Army.
2. Our Army “manned the air.” This was a truly amazing feat that most of us were never taught in school. In fact, prior to reading the President’s speech, I had thought that the first use of air power had occurred when the Union floated observation balloons during the Civil War. But now, thanks to President Trump, I now give credit where credit is due.
3. Our Army also “rammed the ramparts.” This was innovative military strategy, since prior to that time, most armies had been content to man the ramparts. Perhaps this was where the phrase “banging your head against a wall” came from.
4. Our Army “took over the airports.” This one maneuver alone placed George Washington centuries ahead of his time. Had he failed in this endeavor, the British might have flown thousands of redcoats right into JFK or LaGuardia, and our nation would never have made it to the rocket’s red glare at Fort McHenry.

Apparently, these facts were all well researched and entirely in line with the words on the teleprompter. Because, according to President Trump, “I knew the speech very well so I was able to do it without a teleprompter. And it was actually hard to look at anyway because of the rain.”

Thank God we have a President whose command of American history is so powerful.